and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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