Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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