Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
