I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
