well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
