So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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