the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Farmville is her only friend.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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