Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
