There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
