You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
