I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
