Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
