That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
