You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
