from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
