he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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