did you get engaged???
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
