i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I didn't notice because vodka
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
