the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
