when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
