..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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