What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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