My room smells like vodka and shame
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
