Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
3 2 1 whiskey
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
