Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
