i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
