I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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