I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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