Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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