i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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