So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
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I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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