i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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