I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
