remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
