Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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