why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
