You just made me feel so damn special
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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