You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
