Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
