Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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