dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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