hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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