he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
