It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
