Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
