Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
