i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
