Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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