You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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