I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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