He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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