Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
