we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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