1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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