it hurts more in the daytime
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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