names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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