Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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