Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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