my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
