I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
