One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
