she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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