I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
