Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
