remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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