Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
two words...techno handjob
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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