I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I cut my penus on the lid.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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