We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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