But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize