I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
