So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
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Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
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No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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