we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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