as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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