I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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