Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
