I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
