video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
