Can Purell be used as lube?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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