The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
