Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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