I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize