Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
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he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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