Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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