you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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