I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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