Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
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We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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