You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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